Another new years lose weight resolution

Well It really has been quite a while since my last blog.  With graduate school, the holidays, my job, and my home life, I really have had zero time to do a blog.  So whats new….well I made a new years resolution…the same one I have made very year since I graduated from high school and gained my freshman 30…to lose weight. 

This time I have a little more motivation.  My family and I are doing a weight lose challenge.  You put in $50, lose the most percentage of bosy weight and you can win the grand prize of $750.  Yes for some reason, money has kicked on my motivation switch, and I have seriously committed to a eating right plan and I have been working out like mad.

I started the diet on january 3, and I have lost 6 pounds.  It may not seem like much, but to me it is extra encouraging.  I have actually been eaing really healthy, which has always been a feat for me.  My husband bought home cookie dough ice cream the other day, and I didnt even touch it!  For the most part I have been following the P90X diet plan.  In addition I have been an excercise maniac.  I have run a total of about 20-25 miles a week and done some strength training and swimming and I try to fit a day of insanity in there.  I actually feel awesome, but really tired.

Juggling working out everyday, working full time, having a two year old and going to graduate school full time has really been exhausting.  But for some vain reason I keep seeing dollar signs and thats really motivating me to stay on track.  Hey, whatever works right? 

And by the way I did get my dooney and burke bag for christmas, not the one I wanted, but my lovely husband got me one anyway 🙂  I also got a gift card to Ross, which I am saving till my clothes start falling off my ass.  Crossing my fingers for that one.

Till the next time, iIll keep crunching those abs and those carrot sticks…

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Halloween, the good, the bad, the ugly…

Halloween for me has usually been all about getting butt ass drunk and dressing up in your skimpiest, sexiest costume.  But lo and behold I am a mama now and a fat mama at that.  I used work at Spencer’s Gift and they used to make us dress up everyday of October.  I tried on every costume and def had the cutest costumes picked out.  Now that I’m plus size, I’m not as excited about dressing up.  But that doesn’t change the fact that my daughter made this my best Halloween ever.

Kiani was dressed up as Minnie mouse.  She’s not quite two years old so she has been practicing how to say trick or treat for the last couple weeks.  She was definitely a hunny last night….she said trick or treat and thank you and was just such a great little kid.   I would trade in those sassy costumes anyday just for the experience I had with her last night.

Anyway I live out in Puna and there is no where out there to trick or treat, so we go to my grandmas house in Panaewa.  I must say over 500 kids came through the neighborhood!  It was crazy!  And the cars on the road, that was insane.  I was kind of irritated with the outside people who come from all over to trick or treat in Panaewa and drive their kids from house to house.  HELLO people there are kids everywhere and we really need to be aware of that.  In addition, parents trick or treating is for kids…dont you be coming by my house and asking for candy in your bag! 

Anyway I gotta give it out to the Panaewa families.  There are so many outsiders that come trick or treating to the neighborhood.  So that means a lot of candy to buy.   Some families were creative and gave out cupcakes, chili bowls, and cool pops. Funny how I checked Kianis candy bag after.  There were like 10 chocolate candies and the rest were lollipops, tootsie rolls, and hard candy.  I guess when you gotta buy candy in bulk, you can’t afford the good stuff.  I even took out Kianis 10 chocolates, which she can eat, and put the rest of her candies in the bucket to give out.  Cause we ran out of candy and had to recycle our candy.   My aunty even cleaned out the cabinets of granola bars and popcorn to give out. 

All in all it was a good night.  I wish there was something we could do about the cars and the oodles of people coming in to the neighborhood.  And about the chocolates, I really didn’t need it in my house and I really don’t want my two-year old eating too much candy! 

Hope everyone had a great Halloween!

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Run Fat Girl Run

So I just signed up to run in my second half marathon. (for those of you who dont know, that’s 13.1 miles.) Its on March 20, 2011.  I ran my first half marathon in march 2009, just three and a half months after my daughter was born.  I actually did pretty good.  I ran it in 2 hours and 37 minutes and I ran the whole thing without stopping.  Training for that run helped me lose 40 of the 60 pounds I gained while pregnant.

Anyway, my life is pretty crazy right now.  I work full time, have a 2 year old, and am a full time graduate student.  And now my crazy ass wants to fit in time to train for a half marathon.  Why do I put my self through this crap?

Well first off, as I mentioned in my last blog….I really enjoy running, especially at the very end when I’m done.  I do all these other crazy workouts like P90X and insanity, but nothing compares to running.  

Its amazing the reactions I get from people when I tell them how much I work out.  Seriously people, in the last two years, I have trained for a half marathon, done two rounds of P90x, done two rounds of insanity, I swim a mile a couple times a week, and basically Im pretty nuts when it comes to working out.  But low and behold, Im still FAT! 

Anyway so when I tell people about my trainings/workouts, I see the looks on their faces…basically it reads…”what a fucken bull shitter!  She’s so fat, it looks like she just sits on her fat ass and eats a gallon of ice cream a day!”  And I think to myself, as I see the surprised look on their face, “Well screw you, you skinny bitch!  I can out run you anyday, even if I’m twice your size!” 

So anyway, another thing about training for a half marathon and the running part.  I always am sort of self conscious about running on the roads.  I always think people look at me thinking, “Ai look the fat girl excercising.”   You really don’t usually see too many Fat girls running on the side of the road.  But I always get self concious about it.  As humans, we are really so judgemental, myself included, and I know that sometimes I think some fucked up things when I see really fat people.  Yes Im a hypocrite, and I will be the first to admit it.  And I gotta work on it.  But that doesn’t change the fact that when things affect me as a person, like be judged by strangers for being a fat chick running on the side of the road, it sucks.  My obvious rant and rave for the day.

so I start training in December.  And I keep vowing to myself to diet when I start training, but realistically with the holidays coming up, I’ll just want to scarf my face with all the yumminess. The distractions will be wide! Literally! Oh well, I still got one month to motivate myself.

BTW my loving supportive husband finally decided to read my blog last night.  The ‘I Love you no matter how big you are’ comments were masked by the laughter and giggles coming out of his mouth while reading it.  And then when he was done….’hunny I hate your blog, you’re not fat!’  Oh I gotta love this man!

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Starting a fire while running down the road.

So my weekend went pretty well.  I ate quite a bit, but that was offset by the P90X legs and back workout I did, and the 3 and a 1/2 mile run I did on Sunday.  Dont get me wrong, my clothes felt tight on monday morning but I definitely didn’t keep like throwing up on monday morning from being sickly full.

I had a conversation today with a friend about running shorts.  I love running, I know that sounds crazy, but I just love the feeling of accomplishment and how my heart feels “worked” after a nice run.  I don’t run fast, but I can run for a really long time without stopping.  What helps me to be able to have that type of endurance is gear. 

I’m really big in my chest so I wear two sports bras.  I dont want those mountains to be knocking me out on my run LOL!  In addition, I wear a tank top, my super expensive running shoes and shorts. 

Out of all my gear, my running shorts are the most difficult to find.  My favorite shorts are XL old navy boys basketball shorts.  I know that sounds weird.  But I have been running (for my health) for over 17 years now and and I’ve tried all kinds of gear.  When I was skinnier, I loved spandex shorts.  They wouldn’t ride up my crotch and gave me enough protection to stop the chafing of my thighs.  As a fat girl, I probaly still would be sporting those spandex shorts, but they dont have pockets.  The old navy shorts have pockets, which hold my Ipod and rag.  I have come accustomed to running with my Ipod and a rag.  I cant stand sweat dripping all over my face when I’m running and the music is necessary to keeping a nice pace.  These old navy shorts I like so much are also made of mesh, so there’s breathing room and my legs don’t get all sweaty. 

I buy the Boys shorts for a couple reasons.  1)I can’t find womens ones.  2) The mens shorts, even the small, are too long for my short fat body.  3)  The boys shorts are long enough to cover the rubbing of my thighs.  Point #3 is probaly the most crucial when purchasing running shorts.  I will admit it, my thighs are fat.  They rub together, and if I’m not running this usually doesn’t bother me.  But its different when you running.  If your thighs are rubbing together, you feel likea fire has started between your legs.  (For all you perverts out there, its not that king of fire!)  Its one that actually burns.  I’ve unintentionally chafed my thighs by wearing running shorts that were too short.  And its not a pretty site, nor does it feel good.  And it really sucks to be two miles from home and try running back with your thighs rubbing and burning.  So my advice to you…When running, wear shorts long enough.  That way you wont start a fire between your legs.

Have a great day! LOL.

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fridays

Why is it that I always think that Fridays are the start of the weekend, (which it is), and I can splurge on my eating habits? 

I was driving to work this morning thinking about what I was going to eat today.  I try to start out the day right and eat something healthy for breakfast.  That doesn’t always work, but I try. It doesn’t help that I come to work and there are a dozen glazed doughnuts sitting on the counter for everyone to help themselves. (Thanks Kelly)  I’m giving myself credit because its 8:08am and I’ve been here since 6:45am and I still haven’t eaten any doughnuts.   

 So now my thoughts are flowing to lunch, to mentally prepare myself for the food choices ahead of me….how about a salad for lunch?  Ok that sounds yummy…and then my brain starts running and I think of all the other things to eat for lunch….how about chinese food or some pescatore, or korean bbq plate sounds good.  Then I justify myself by saying, its Friday……Well now It’s 8:12 and I wish myself some luck…its going to be a tough weekend resisting all that yumminess.  So for today (for now anyway) I will say a salad or a sandwich for lunch. 

The weekend is my toughest part of the week.  This weekend specifically theres the UFC fights.  We go to a friends house and drink, eat and be merry….and everything (especially the beer) is so good.  Its funny how I justify everything I eat with the fact that I work out.  I’ll run several miles on Saturday and then say, hey you worked out today, you can eat what you want.  Uhhh Hello Kuulei, all those calories you burned working out will just come back ten fold if you justify yourself like this.  And the weird part is I know this, but that never stops me from loading my plate up and having some beers.  Oh the joys of being a fat girl.

I’ll be back monday to discuss my Fat girl endevours…hopefully not bloated and feeling that I ate WAY too much this weekend.

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My refusal to buy new jeans

I met my now husband 5 years ago.  When we met, I definitely wasn’t my high school 119 pounds, but I was probaly about 145 pounds and I didn’t look obese (like I do now).  I was actually quite happy with how I looked. I’ve heard people say that when you happy and in love, you gain weight…well I must of been Euphoric with a capitol E.  I gained about 30 pounds within a year after we met.  My husband is such a good sport and always tells me he loves me no matter what, and I always tell him….I know because now you got a whole lot more of me to love! 

Anyway, our first year was full of romantic dinners, movie dates with huge tubs of popcorn, and lots of late night snacks.  It didn’t help that my husband, who has remained at 155 pounds since high school, still doesn’t gain a single pound no matter how much he eats!  So there I was eating along with him without a care in the world.  When I openned my eyes from the idyllic and heavenly splendor of love that I had surrounded myself in, I was 30 pounds heavier and nothing fit me.

So 5 years and one 2 year old later, I still refuse to buy new jeans.  I have three pairs that fit me and 10 pairs that are pre-meeting- my husband jeans and 6 pairs that are my pre-baby jeans.  For some reason I refuse to buy myself new jeans.  I keep telling myself I’m gonna lose the weight, but HELLO Kuulei, 5 years later and those jeans are still sitting in the bottom of my drawer.

So what’s my rationale for not buying new jeans (and end up washing clothes a couple times a week.)…well for one I always think that if I buy a new pair of jeans, I’m just giving in to being fat.  Umm reality check Kuulei…you ARE fat!  Secondly, I have a really hard time finding new jeans (even when I was skinnier).  I’m really short and finding jeans that fit the length of my legs and the size of my (now much larger) waist is close to impossible.  I think jeans makers have some sort of prejudice against short, fat girls because they obviously aren’t making anything to fit us.  Lastly, I’m always starting a new diet and I think to myself, “O.K. I’m really going to commit this time and really going to lose weight.”  So I rationalize that since Im really going to lose weight this time, I dont need to buy new jeans.  But we all know the end of that story.

So my fellow FAT girls, I’m sure many of you have told yourselves this story.  I know I’m not alone.  My husband usually buys me a nice new Dooney and Burke bag for christmas, but I think this year, I’m going to ask for money to buy new clothes.  Specifically to buy me some new jeans…. well now that I think about it, its only October right, maybe I’ll start new diet tomorrow and can get me that bag…lol.

Have a great day!

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My first Fat Girl blog.

Do you ever notice that you take pictures from the neck up or you stand behind someone when the picture is taken?  Thats what I do…Why?  Because I’m Fat.

I haven’t always been fat.  In high school, I was 5’2″, 119 pounds and I looked hot.  Now I’m 190 pounds, sadly the same height, and constantly struggling to lose weight. 

I actually think Im pretty good at dieting, well at leat short term dieting.  I can commit to a diet for like one month, and then I pretty much give up.  I’m one of those people who actually works out quite a bit, but my eating habits suck.  But boy do I love food.  There’s nothing like a nice big plate of chicken marsala or sushi or in Hawaii, a nice big yummy plate lunch.  I try to resist but it sure is hard.  It doesn’t help that my office is sandwiched between two food establishments, and everytime I go to the bathroom I just smell the greasy yumminess permeating my nostrils.  Its funny how I plan to have a salad for lunch, but as soon as I step outside of my office, the salad thought goes out the door.

So I have decided to start this blog about my struggles being a fat girl.  I keep saying I want to lose weight, and I definitely know what I have to do, but I’m missing one big thing, the something called motivation. 

So all you fat girls in the same situation as me, stay tuned and you will probaly learn that you are not alone (and neither am I) in this constant struggle of being a fat girl……

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